Hi Everybody,
At the end of the video chat yesterday, I agreed to post about my situation because there's a possibility it may resonate with some of you.
I went into Future Ready in January with a lot of confidence. I already had a partner. I had some project ideas. I even picked up a few more cool ideas at Midwinter. I was going to ace this thing. As might be expected by anyone who was forced to read Greek tragedy during freshman seminar, by April I was a mess. My partner's contribution consisted of "Let me know if I can support you." People who were initially enthusiastic about the projects started raising objections or moving. My new Youth Services staff member, who I was counting on to shoulder some of this, was taking much longer to get up to speed than I expected. I had a lot of trouble navigating this interface and found myself continuously surprised by new additions and deadlines. It was only the legacy of generations of Catholic guilt about taking the money for the conference that kept me from throwing in the towel.
I wrote about falling into this pit of despair on my small group page and Linda contacted me. (Yay Linda!) After talking me off my metaphoric ledge, she did an even better thing. She asked me if I still wanted to and thought I could complete this project. I answered yes to both. Then she asked me what I would need to make that happen. Since I would have to go back pretty close to square one, I told her I needed time. Time to create a little mental breathing room for myself and start to start again. So, that's what she gave me. A month off. A month free of guilt about lack of progress. A month to notice resources and consider possibilities without stressing about how to snap them up. A month to reorganize my thoughts.
During our video conference yesterday, we talked about taking the time to just be with our community partners. Taking time to just listen. One of the mistakes I realized that I made with this process was jumping too quickly to the "what" to do before really establishing the "why" firmly in everyone's minds, even my own. Everyone on the planet is at least as busy as I am and I can't really expect them to take one more thing on if they don't truly believe in it.
Your situation may be different in the details but if you're feeling like a failure in this project, please remember that this is phase one. If the structure isn't working for you, let our leaders know so they can help. Their goal is not to set us up to fail but to create something that works for people just like us: overworked, underpaid and under-funded. My "time out" isn't up yet and I don't know how long it will take me to catch up but I'm feeling much more hopeful that I will get there in the end. My great-aunt Mary, the nun, feels much better too.